When Fungus Is Amongus, A Post For Stewie

Last Saturday I abandoned my baby to her father's loving arms and fled to the Dells. To any non-Wisconsinites, this is the tourist town you flee to for a variety of reasons, some of which include Noah's Ark, go-karting, indoor water parks, assloads of bars or simply to lose yourself in the kitschy neon lights. Think along the lines of a chlorinated spring break destination for the destitute northerner....

Anyways, we gathered for my friend's birthday and like every other time we gather, there is food, homemade, lots of it. Mari made German chocolate birthday cupcakes, fruit salad, sandwich supplies. I brought along a banana blueberry bread and good cheer. With my Marbar however, you can be sure there will be some sort of culinary plan within a plan, so you have to ask about illicit ingredients in homemade food before chowing down or you may unwittingly find yourself with an altered reality.

Never one to disappoint, a quick search of the guitar bag revealed some homegrown hallucingens, tucked into Lindt chocolate with a decorative pecan topping. An artistic one, that Mari.

I'll skip over the craziness of an indoor water park crawling with people while under the influence, suffice it say that it was fun...and weird. I'll skip over the the hotel bars I got persuaded to visit while under the influence, suffice it say it was tedious. I'll even skip over the sensual massage sessions, suffice it to say they were niiiiiceeeee. Fast forward all the way to the time when I decided to sleep.

After 10 hours of partying, I was tired. I snuggle in next to my Dobyns and begin to crash, only to be jostled awake by Troy snuggling me into an Etta sammich. Ok, whatever, my mama taught me to share. When Megan moved to the other bed with Billy in it, I shifted, allowing Troy a full half of the bed, methinks I was too kind in hindsight.

As I'm sinking into blessed unconsiousness, I feel a hand slide up my thigh and onto my ass. I removed it and flung it back to it's owner...and like a bad penny, it came back. All night.

I tried to find an alternate sleeping situation but that was a no-go, I tried pushing him off the bed, nope. I shook him, in hopes of waking him up enough to list my grievences so he could remedy the situation, ha, dream on. I got snuggled folks. I don't care to be touched while sleeping and not only was I touched, but I was fucking snuggled within an inch of my life. I awoke wrapped in Troy.

After escaping from his clutches, Dobyns went back into our room for her tea and came out laughing.

"Did you know Troy was naked?"

"What the fuck? NO! Eww, no."

So there it is, a moral for all you moralistic folks: when you are happy with the other occupant of your double bed, put it on lockdown.