Monday, September 29, 2008

The Men and my Beautiful Bartendress...

When I decided what today's blog would be about, I smiled an inner, awkward smile. This will probably have to be one of those posts I edit a bit before allowing random Joes, Schmoes, and family read.

Without further ado, meet the actors in the play called my sex life:

Tee: father of my child, ex-boyfriend, current lover, a wonderful yet annoying wanker of a dude.

Jay: classmate, first rate weirdo, current (?) lover

Aech: friend of friends, one-time drunken fuck that evolved into someone that took me on a few dates and opened my car doors. Ha. Car door opener.

Michael: aquaintance of friend, pillow, trying to get me to go out with him, no nooky

Saturday night, I got drunk and drove Tee home and fucked the shit out of him. It was ex-sex with all the rage and pent-up frustration with a saccarine honey coating of I miss the shit out of you. It was raunchy and sad and sweet. I don't know how things will end up between the two of us since I'm not willing to go back in time and become the Tee's girlfriend version of Etta. I want to continue my lacivious ways, have fun, continue to explore my badass self instead of becoming a girlfriend caricature or half of a couple.

On a lighter note, I know Tee (that sneaky bastard) masterminded our lovin' He and Carlson went out together and Ashley and I went out. We met with the guys and Meg and Heather at the Ash and Carlson conveniently left without Tee, I was suddenly his ride. On the way home, I asked if he would be ok with coming home with me.

Etta and Tee primly getting tucked into different sleeping spaces (him on couch, me in bed) and then me saying: "oh this is silly, why don't you come lie down with me" Tee:"ok, I won't try anything, I just miss holding you"

Tee: "Can we go to my house instead?"
Me: drunkenly considering, "ummm, ok, I guess it doesn't really matter, as long as I'm home early tomorrow for Lo."

We arrive at his house, and NOBODY is there. Many a car, not a soul. Hmmmm, goes my little brain, waitasecond...

And WHAM BAM THANKYOUMA'AM. Thank you Tee, that was great. Even if that was our last ever, it has been memorialized in Blackheart Lola and for future Ettas' benefit: it was good, it is something to smile back on.

Ha, this is a weird one ladies and gentlemen... I met JaY last year probably almost exactly a year ago. I was pursuing a different classmate, very unsucessfully (fuck you James - name NOT changed!) and meeting a lot of new people in school by bringing them out to the bars with me after night class. Jay was quiet and I laughed up at him in the Hilltop when he asked me for my phone number. I gave it to him and hung out with him, James and Mitch for awhile but we eventually lost touch. Suddenly at Summerfest, the crowds part and Jay saunters back into my life. I drove him home the next morning, although we slept at different houses (me at Efrain's and him at Nicole's) and now we either text, talk or hang out everyday.

He's cool as shit BUT (and these are big "buts"...) he takes a loooong time before he's comfortable talking to people so taking him out to the bar with me and meeting my friends has pretty much been a disaster. Roy was insulted that he kept trying to make his acquaintance and Jay kept avoiding his conversation like Roy carried the plague. I don't think Jay likes children very much, highly believes in abortion and thinks more people should get them (yikes, we're all entitled to our beliefs but that's a hard one for me to accept) and is really weird about sex.

Which brings us to part III, the sex. WHich is interesting and funny but I'm at work and I'll need to continue this post later. Ohhh, stop whining imaginary readers, by the time you get to enjoy this, there'll be an archive. Jeez.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Semi-worthless updates

I'm siiiiiiiiick. (Did you the reader imagine that sentence with enought Etta-whine in it? Maybe you should go back and try again, in the most pathetic whine you can muster...)

Who gave me this sickness? Unknown but when I find out, why I oughtta.... No, it doesn't matter who got me sick but who I got sick and I know that Jay's gonna be calling me in a few days, saying something about his sore, sore throat. Haha, warned ya fucker, but nooooo, you had to smoke pot with me, right then and there...

Point is, I'm sick and infectious and spreading my ever-lovin' germs so although there's a lot of fun shit going on this weekend (as always) I will be staying home, reading, catching up on couch-time.

Second matter of import: Lola is potty training! And I got to witness it last night. Cue sappy Lifetime music which screams: "mother and daughter bonding" and there we are, in the bathroom.

E: Ok Lo, undies down, you can do this
L: Taking her hand from her Mama's and de-clothing like a Llanas champ, takes a seat on her potty throne
E: (sitting down like a humble petitioner at the foot of the throne) Squeeze girl, squeeze!
L: urghhh, smile at her goofy behavior, tinkle, tinkle SMILE!
E: Hell yes, you are a potty GENIUS!! How did you get so smart? Mommy made you that way because of all the cheese fries she ate, you are the smartest little girl in the entire world, hurrah! (High-pitched mom-voice of course)
L: urghhhh, plop plop
E: POOP TOO? AMAZING, you are too cool for school little girl. Tinkle and poop! I'm flabbergasted!
L: when Lola hears the word "poop" FLIES off the toilet into my arms and creeps back to peer into the pot from a safe distance. "POOP?"
E: It's ok honey, pooping is fun.

Conclusion: if the John's Root Beer cheese fries I ate while pregnant made my child a genius (doubtful) then all the weird stomach issues I got from said cheese fries must've made my child afraid of pooping.

I'm so proud of you Lo!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The strength of my password memory sucks!

I keep the same password for everything. There. Now if you want to break into my life, steal my highly coveted identity and take over my bills, find out my sneaky, sneaky password and go for it.

Unfortunately, Blogger determined my password sucked too much and I would have to change it. So I used an original password and forgot it pretty promptly. Thus the I'm-too-lazy-to-click-the-forgot-password-link-and-follow-the-directions lapse in blogs...

Apparently I'm more motivated than I thought today. Maybe it was Kathleen the flirtatious Panera woman telling me I was a sexy woman today. Yowza, thanks Kathleen, you made my day by liking my brand spanking new Etsy-gotten capelet!

I have a lot to post and not a whole lot of time to concentrate on things I want to say so today's blog is List Blog (to the rescue...)

In Which I List Things I'll Bitch and Moan About Later:
1. Matt/Vince's child problems
2. Parent blog, how I used to view parenthood to nowadays
3. Sub List, things I want to cook
4. Jay, that weirdo, Mem, Tee, any other men I get involved with before I begin the blog.
5. Lola's potty training
6. food, detox, weight loss
7. Car vandalism/bigotry
8. The reason I'm going to wait to publish this blog publicly until I have more entries.

Told ya I had a bit. I've been thinking about you, loyal non-existant BHL readers. The more and more I think about it though, once I have a stockpile of blogs, I think I might make this blog public. I'll add my reason for this as #8.
Cheers, Etta