In Which Everybody Says "Stop Being a Pussy Etta!"

When a person tells us about an unfortunate yet commonplace event, fender bender, break up, loss of job, failed class, you may catch yourself trying to console that person but feel unable because hey, that's life, it happens.

That's where I feel the romance between Tee and I belongs. We tried, we lived, we loved, we made one FANTASTIC human being but life happened. I'm still content to travel through life with him as my parental partner, I couldn't wish for a more loving father for Lo. (I could wish that Tee had an enormous trust fund, was a highly motivated professional or owned a horse ranch, but these things might be counter-productive to the good dad status he retains now, so we'll leave things the way they are.)

I'm ultimately content in having him be my friend, my Lola confidante and my former lover and while we've tried (many a time) to revert back to our former relationship, I've harbored this feeling that the time is past and we should move on to our next phase.

Now, hopefully this will be the last time I have this conversation with myself and when I have it with Tee, it'll be the last time I have the conversation with him. I'm aiming for ending this romantic relationship with the dignity and respect it deserves and guiding it into becoming the co-parenting companionship we are both going to need.

Ah, ew, sigh, fret. I hate hurting him, I hate hurting myself. I wish this could just be over.

Etta, The Cosmic Laughingstock

I feel the need to deplore the timing of the universe. Quite simply put, it sucks.

My excerise-in-restraint-with-Nesto outing was cheerful and incredibly tempting and it made me proud that I do have a little something called self-control...

My let's-go-out-because-you're-getting-divorced meeting with my sexy adjuster went excellent also. There was food, drink, cigars and a backrub... (Waning self-control is still self-control folks.)

And of course the next day, Tee brings me a rose for no reason and professes his love...

Umm. What can I say about this?

Annoying!
Timing!

More to come.

Christmas Break Updates

Wow, glad that X-Mas bile is out of my system, I was starting to dislike myself...



Christmas was, of course, perfectly wonderful, making me feel like a foolish harpy. Lola got many, many toys, including a doll house that actually made her step back and say "WOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!" She unwrapped a majority of her presents, my presents and Tee's presents, much improvement from last year when the paper itself held more wonder for her than the carefully chosen presents inside.



There was little to no whining, tamtrum-throwing or overtiredness (on her part or mine) and since I didn't have to attend more than two places this year (instead of 3+in previous years) it turned out to be the most relaxing Christmas on the books. Lo and Tee napped while I watched Willow, we ate leftover tostadas and then visited my aunt and uncle's home for enchiladas. I enjoy the Hispanic side of my family because they are accepting and loud and the kitchen's always hopping, and because they customized a whole role of enchiladas without meat especially for moi.



Next time you have 30-some crazy Mexican relatives over at your house and you are supervising/expertly filling/rolling tortillas in the enchilada chain gang, you tell me if you remember ONE/10,000 of your nieces doesn't eat meat. Love ya Uncle Dean.



Other things to note: Lola decided to eat crackers in bed one morning and I gave her my mostly unconsious go-ahead and fell back asleep. When I wake up, it was like a Ritz genocide in my bed. I had a whole role of buttery, delicious crackers sprinkled like crispy confetti, under my prostrate body, nestled between my tits, mooshed into my pillow, hiding in the crack between the bed and wall. Judging from how many there were in my bed, she probably ate about two and then realized how fun it was to shower Sleeping Butthead with them. I'm just glad she hasn't pulled one of those poop-smears, it could've been a lot worse.



On the Tee Front, we went to see The Spirit on Sunday and I believe that while absence makes the heart grow fonder, close proximity just makes us fucking annoyed with one another. If you have a cuddly, comfortable date-night in mind (as I did), keep dreaming. This was stiff and careful, almost formal without the pleasant nervousness of a date with someone you don't know that well. We were so anxious not to say the wrong thing, piss the other off, that we barely talked, smiled only a little, laughed not at all. This is stupid, why are we even trying?

My Main Squeeze/My Main Problem

I straight up flirted with Tee yesterday. Is that legal, is that allowed? God help me, that man is my weakness on this earth. Along with carbs and gin, eating candy in bed, biting my fingernails... well you get the point.

Here are the facts:
He's in Madison for another year still.
He's not really down with an open relationship.
I'm not into a weekends-only monogamous relationship.

Here's my worry:
He'll take our newly discovered lovin' as an automatic "we're together, everything is hunky-dory and back to the way it was before." Which I don't want to occur and cannot realistically happen. Things can't just be the same, we're different now, our situations are different and I'll resist that mentality with all my might. (I want this fucker to woo me again, damn it!)

My ideal plan (as well as my original one):
He does his own thing in Madtown, I do my own thing in Waukesha/Milwaukee. We DO NOT speak of anything naughty that happens while the other is away. A strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy on affairs of the heart. Keep all "others" casual and fun. On weekends, Tee and I are lovebirds. Once his year is up, we regroup and plan accordingly. I want to look at it like a vacation from being a full-time couple. I don't believe he sees it that way.

What's a goil to do:
I can keep putting off "the talk" and let the time breeze by. It has a habit of doing that and I'm sure Tee isn't clueless to my wandering nature, he might be operating on the same policy and I just don't know it...

OR

I can whip out "the talk" and deal with the consequences.

I'll let you guess which one I prefer.